The Inanity Providers Deal With

Answering the most-common texts I constantly receive — day in and day out — to give you some insight into why providers are so terse in response.

“Question” and “My answer”

  1. I need the sex where you at?” {silence since I blocked you} Currently I’m up a tree with a squirrel.
  2. “Are the nipples puffy” {silence since I blocked you} If you’re that inane in opening remarks, why on earth would I want to spend an hour with you?
  3. “I’ve got a 9″ dick” {silence since I blocked you} Big yawn… …I couldn’t care less. I care greatly that you’re respectful. For instance: Never speak to a woman like she’s a horny craigslist guy.
  4. “Hey” “Would you like to meet, and when?”
  5. “Rates” “…are published on my website”
  6. “available?” I don’t discuss scheduling, rates or anything anonymously, please verify.
  7. “pic” {silence since I blocked you} Picture collectors are soooo dull!
  8. “address” {silence since I blocked you} Sure, I’ll just give my home address to some trite, anonymous dillweed.
  9. “Hello” “Would you like to meet, and when?”
  10. “HRU” “I am well, thank you for asking. Would you like to meet, and when?
  11. “Hey baby” “I’m 44, not a kid. Would you like to meet, and when?
  12. “What’s your website” Linked from the ad in which you found me. OR {silence since I blocked you}
  13. “dtf?” {silence since I blocked you} DO NOT SEND ME EXPLICIT MESSAGES.
  14. “Can I really film with you” “I’d love to! Federal law requires 2257 forms filled out, and I require talent testing ID or the equivalent. Select ‘Gold Package’ from rates”
  15. “Can we meet for coffee first” My rate is the same, coffee or meeting at my incall, I just don’t have the free time to put to placating your insecurities. (Insecure men are problematic)
  16. “I’m at X Hotel…” I don’t do outcalls for first-time visitors. Once we’re comfortable with each other, I’d love to!”
  17. (Calls, hangs up no message) {silence since I blocked you}
  18. “Will you peg me?” {silence since I blocked you} DO NOT SEND ME EXPLICIT MESSAGES.
  19. (I don’t want to verify) I neither converse nor meet anonymously, sorry. (I did the work to be in a place in my life where my partner knows I’m lascivious, I just don’t enjoy the random dude vibe, sorry. And inviting random, physically more powerful men into my home is trouble. Go looking for trouble, you’ll get it…)
  20. The constant, daily barage of insults from guys like this one who repeatedly registers new VoIP numbers and struggles to sound intelligent:“Very androgynous looking For someone that wants transparency your face is clouded We all know you fuck for franklins behind closed doors You go neutral ho” and “How rather nebulous of yourself to post as a legitimate masseuse and be a prostitute (whore) behind your ambiguous pretense of events.” and “You are what you hate…. deceiving Integrated slut Sry Well known integrated swinging slut” and “Big turn off Blah Blah Blah Anyone with an intelligent mind and no imagination knows what pse stands for”
  21. “What’s a ‘Gold Package’?” “Thanks for asking so politely. Verify and I’ll clarify”
  22. “What’s PSE baby?” “I’m 44, not a kid. For me it means ‘Privileged, Salacious Entertainment’. Verify and I’ll clarify”
  23. “Wanna hang out?” “I communicate for scheduling purposes only, if you’d like to schedule an appointment there’s a “Rates Contact” page on my website.

Real hobbyists who actually want to meet verify quickly and easily (usually upon initial contact via my “Rates Contact” form), meaning 99% of the time those that send anything like the above have no intention of meeting. So you can see why providers don’t spend a lot of time responding…